I’d like to take a moment to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

Thank you for your decision to cancel last night’s awards ceremony.

Because of you, I did not enjoy my usual January night of blocking-off-four-hours-in-a-row-and-lounging-on-the-couch-with-a-glass-(or two)-of-wine-to-enjoy-a-star-studded, George-Clooney-gazing, diamonds-and-dresses-on-the-red-carpet evening.

Instead, I sorted the recycling bin and I watched one episode of “Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant” on VH-1.

And I thanked MY LUCKY STARS AND THE GOOD SENSE MY MOMMA AND DADDY GAVE ME that I did not marry a guy like Scott Baio.

Honey, I’m not mad at you for watching football all weekend anymore.